13 May, 2024
There is a Chinese saying about how talking about money hurts relationships. Is that true in your case? However, when your family has unrealistic financial expectations for you — such as wanting you to send home more money than you can afford – to the point it’s hard to make ends meet, that is when you know you should talk to them about the issue.
When budgeting, you should also have a clear understanding of your own financial goals and priorities, e.g., what you want to achieve with your money and what you’re willing to spend money on. This is helpful for communicating your expectations effectively with your family members. People with a clear sense of their financial values and goals were more likely to engage in effective financial communication with family members.
When sharing your budget with your family, it’s also helpful to be open and clear. If you are supporting your family by buying groceries or paying the electricity bill, discuss with them how much you can afford to contribute while letting them know your own capacity. It’s healthy to try satisfying everyone’s needs by compromising.
A study found that couples engaging in collaborative financial decision-making have higher levels of financial satisfaction and lower levels of financial conflict, and the same applies for other familial relationships.
To communicate healthily, you can also use “I” statements to express your needs and feelings rather than making accusatory statements. Instead of saying “You take too much money from me”, try saying “I feel concerned when we overspend our budget.” Using “I” statements was associated with higher levels of financial satisfaction and lower levels of financial conflict in romantic relationships.
Setting firm boundaries is just as important as compromising, especially when your family’s expectations exceed what you can afford, hence it is helpful to communicate these boundaries clearly and assertively. For example, letting your family know that your money should be spent on their expenses and them lending it to other family friends is unwelcome. Be upfront with what you can help with and how far you can go and avoid getting into debt due to fulfilling unrealistic expectations. Setting clear financial boundaries was associated with higher levels of financial satisfaction and lower levels of financial conflict in couples, and the same applies for other familial relationships as well. Instead, you can offer to contribute non-monetary services, such as sending DIY handcrafts as a gift to a family celebration.
Talking about money and clarifying expectations with your family is difficult, but sometimes it is necessary. Remember that taking care of yourself emotionally and financially is important too!
References
Africa’s Pocket. (n.d.). How to manage your family’s financial expectations and still achieve your personal goals. https://africaspocket.com/our-blog/how-to-manage-your-familys-financial-expectations-and-still-achieve-your-personal-goals
Archuleta, K. L., et al. (2011). Financial communication, relationship satisfaction, and financial satisfaction. Journal of Financial Therapy, 2(1), 1-21.
Britt, S. L., et al. (2016). Examining the role of financial conflict in the relationship between financial satisfaction and marital satisfaction. Journal of Financial Therapy, 7(1), 1-22.
Gudmunson, C. G., & Danes, S. M. (2011). Family financial socialization: Theory and critical review. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 32(4), 644-667.
Papp, L. M., et al. (2013). The interplay of division of labor, spouse support, and gender on housework stress. Journal of Family Issues, 34(8), 1070-1095.
