Many migrant domestic workers have shared that people in their hometowns have unrealistic expectations of what Hong Kong is like, e.g., everyone can live comfortably and lavishly in Hong Kong. This may lead to unrealistic expectations about your financial situation or living conditions, e.g., your family may expect you to send home more money or materials than you can afford, thus conflicts may arise.

But having enough money for yourself is important, especially when you are living in a foreign country, but your family seems to not “get it”. Or your family may be unfamiliar with the struggles of working overseas. Not only are you facing the loss of your original support network, but having to live with your employer is a sticky situation, especially if you don’t get along. If your family cannot provide the emotional support you need, working in Hong Kong alone may be even tougher.

Communication is important as it helps provide a platform for you to share your experience and challenges with your family, so they can understand what you are going through better.

When it comes to improving family communication, here are some tips:

1. Avoid “mind reading”: don’t assume you know what someone else is thinking. Instead, listen carefully to others’ points of view and ask questions to make sure you understand their point. E.g., don’t assume your family member who is working as an MDW did not send “enough” money home because she is “selfish”.

2. Use active listening techniques: e.g., making good eye contact, leaning forward, and nodding. This may be difficult to do if you are having a conversation through phone or video calls, so nodding or responding with “mhm” or “okay” can help your family know you’re listening.

3. Let each person state their thoughts without interruption.

4. Pay attention to your facial expressions: although having an upset facial expression may be normal when discussing unhappy events, such as how tiring it is to work abroad, gestures like rolling your eyes may make your family think that you are annoyed at them when it is not true.

5. Use “I” statements and avoid accusatory statements: e.g., instead of saying “You ask me for money all the time”, try saying “I am currently struggling financially, and I hope we can make adjustments in our budget as a family”.

6. Express feelings appropriately: e.g., instead of saying “You are selfish and never think of me” when responding to your family’s unrealistic expectations, try saying “I feel very alone working in Hong Kong” when sharing your struggles and let them know in what ways you would like to be supported.

7. Do not name-call or be sarcastic to put others down.

You probably don’t want your family to worry about your situation in Hong Kong, but being honest at the beginning can help avoid future misunderstandings and help them understand your difficulties.

If you have other family members who are considering working as an MDW in Hong Kong, being honest with them about your experiences can help them make informed decisions as they might be clouded by unrealistic expectations about what it is like working in Hong Kong, which may lead to adjustment issues upon arrival.

Healthy and constructive communication can strengthen your bond with your family. Whether it’s about money or other issues, only with effective communication can conversations be productive, so that everyone can move toward a solution constructively!

References:
Austin Psychology & Assessment Center. (2011, April 21). Tips for Improving Family Communication. https://www.apacenter.com/tips-for-improving-family-communication/
Enrich. (n.d.). My family think that I am making so much money in Hong Kong and I don’t know how to manage their expectations. https://enrichhk.org/my-family-think-i-am-making-so-much-money-hong-kong-and-i-dont-know-how-manage-their-expectations